Toys for Two: A Guide for South African Couples
The hard part of buying a couples toy is rarely the toy. It is the conversation, and the fear that suggesting one implies something is missing.
This guide covers how to raise it, what to buy when you are both new to it, and how long-distance couples — common in South Africa, where work often means being in another province or on the mines for weeks — can use app-controlled toys well.
Starting the conversation
Pick a relaxed, non-sexual moment. In bed, mid-intimacy, is the worst possible time — it reads as a critique.
Frame it as addition, not replacement: "I read about something I think would be fun for us." Make it a shared decision by browsing together rather than arriving with a purchase. And accept a no or a not-yet without pressure; the willingness usually arrives later if the first conversation was safe.
If your partner feels threatened
This is common and it is almost always about being replaceable. What helps: pointing out that a toy has no hands, no attention and no interest in them; choosing something you use together rather than something one person uses alone; and starting with a product that enhances what you already do — a vibrating ring during intercourse, or massage oil during foreplay — rather than something that changes the script.
The best beginner couples toys
In rough order of how easy they are to introduce.
- Vibrating cock ring — adds sensation for both partners during intercourse, cheap, and requires no new choreography.
- Massage candle or oil — low-stakes, sensual, and works as foreplay rather than as a "device".
- Bullet vibrator — small, familiar, and easy to work into what you already do.
- Wearable couples vibrator — sits in place during intercourse and stimulates both. A step up in commitment and price.
- Remote or app-controlled egg — one partner holds the control. Excellent for play that starts before you get home.
- Bondage starter kit or a card game — for couples whose interest is in dynamic rather than hardware.
Long-distance, done properly
App-controlled toys let one partner control the other's device from anywhere with internet. Lovense and We-Vibe run the two most reliable ecosystems, and both work fine in South Africa — long-distance control routes over ordinary internet, so there is no regional limitation.
Practical notes: charge fully before a planned session, use mobile data or fibre rather than congested shared Wi-Fi, pair the toy before the call rather than during, and add each other as partners in the app instead of sharing one login. Expect a second of lag; expect to reopen the app occasionally.
Hygiene when you share
Sharing is fine with basic care. Clean thoroughly between users with warm water and toy cleaner, or roll a condom over the toy and swap it — this is the simplest option for porous materials that cannot be sterilised.
Never move a toy from anal to vaginal use without cleaning it or changing the barrier. If either of you has an active infection, use barriers or separate toys until it clears.
Buying together, discreetly
Everything at Livio ships in plain unmarked packaging with no branding or product names on the outside, delivered by Courier Guy in 2-3 business days to main centres. Delivery is free over R500, which most couples kits comfortably exceed. Browsing together on the site is often the easiest way to have the conversation — a wishlist is a lower-stakes way to say what appeals to you.
Common questions
- What is the best couples toy for beginners?
- A vibrating cock ring or a bullet vibrator. Both add sensation to what you already do, cost little, and do not require either partner to change how they have sex.
- How do I ask my partner about using toys?
- Raise it in a relaxed, non-sexual moment, frame it as adding to what you enjoy together, and browse and choose as a pair. Do not raise it mid-intimacy and do not push for an immediate answer.
- Can long-distance couples use toys together in South Africa?
- Yes. App-controlled toys from Lovense and We-Vibe are controlled over ordinary internet, so distance and province make no difference. Connection stability matters more than the toy.
- Is it safe to share a sex toy with my partner?
- Yes, with care. Clean thoroughly between users or use a condom over the toy and change it when you swap. Non-porous silicone, glass and steel can be properly sanitised; porous materials should always use a barrier.
Where to go next
More guides
- Where to Buy Sex Toys in South Africa (Safely and Discreetly)What to check before you pay a South African store: real ZAR pricing, body-safe materials, local support, discreet packaging and your rights under the CPA.
- A Beginner's Guide to VibratorsA no-pressure walkthrough of your first purchase: what to buy, how to use it, and what nobody tells you.
- How to Choose a Vibrator in South AfricaBullet, wand, rabbit or clitoral? What each type actually does, how much to spend in rand, and which features are worth paying for.